We have dreams for a lot of different reasons: our brains like to have some recreation when we are sleeping, we sort through different memories and process them, and sometimes, as in my case, dreams can teach you something.
Although the details are a little fuzzy, the main focus of last night’s dream was a relapse. A bad one. And at the time I didn’t realize I was dreaming, so for me it was as good as a real relapse. For those who have never relapsed, this might seem like some kind of fun adventure back into the inebriating world of nuts. But those squirrels who have been there and done that know that it’s a reintroduction into the world you have been trying so hard to leave behind.
I spent most of that dream-state freaking out about what I had done: felt all the usual feelings I do during a relapse: shame, guilt, anger, and failure. So for a brief while last night, I felt like I had let myself and my fellow squirrels down, BIG TIME. Then the most amazing and wonderful thing happened. I woke up!!!
After I took a few minutes to recover myself and assure myself that indeed last night was all a dream, I never went back on my commitment to myself to stay away from nuts.
So why did I have this dream, anyway? Apart from it being very normal for recovering squirrels to have “nutty” dreams, I remember how I was feeling and thinking the day before. I reread my post about “30-day Wonder”, looking back to when I wrote it and how committed I was to not have that be me, AGAIN. But when the time came and went, a little part of me tried to say: 30 days? Whatever! Fortunately, there’s a much larger part of me now that can squash that thought.
The moral of my story is that my dream showed me in exact detail the results of what would happen if I used nuts again, down to making me feel like it had happened in real life. It was a relapse preview, if you will. Similar to playing the tape to the end – and it was more than enough to make me remember that I’m much happier with my new, nut free life.
Here’s to dreams that are so horrible that you are thankful when you wake up and realize it was just a dream . . .