Knowing that I haven’t worked on my step-work enough (hardly at all) has made me a bit irked… so I thought I’d write a little bit beyond just posting my squirrel pic to count the days, or reposting a Just For Today meditation I like. After all, I used to jump on here and share all sorts of thoughts. But I’ve been busy with work (excuse!) and it’s hard to dedicate time to writing down how you are feeling when you are busy tending to your squirrel business.
One thing I wanted to expound upon a bit further is just how good it feels to live life knowing there is nothing that I am hiding, and that I have no secrets. Not so long ago, there were any number of secrets, and secrets connected to those secrets, that I was living in constant fear of coming to light. In my mind, the pain of hiding what I was feeling and doing was outweighed by my desire for nuts. To be free of that for, now, forty-one days, feels incredible!
It’s amazing what sort of situations you can accept as normal when you are in the middle of them. I had accepted numerous times that this was just the sort of squirrel I was destined to be, that there was no escaping it, and I honestly couldn’t imagine an existence without nuts in it. I know there were times when I never WANTED there to be another kind of existence, and those were usually followed by levels of EXTREME PAIN as I suffered through, paying the price for the life I thought I wanted. Riding the rollercoaster SUCKS; we’re not talking about the “Love Rollercoaster” here people!