Walking through the pain

“We never have to use again, no matter how we feel. All feelings will eventually pass.” – Basic Text, p. 82

It hurts like never before. You get out of bed after a sleepless night, talk to God, and still don’t feel any better. “It will pass,” a little voice tells you. “When?” you wonder, as you pace and mutter and get on with your day.

You sob in your car and turn the radio all the way up so you can’t hear your own thoughts. But you go straight to work, and don’t even think about using drugs.

Your insides feel as though they’ve been torched. Just when the pain becomes unbearable, you go numb and silent. You go to a meeting and wish you were as happy as other members seem to be. But you don’t relapse.

You cry some more and call your sponsor. You drive to a friend’s house and don’t even notice the beautiful scenery because your inner landscape is so bleak. You may not feel any better after visiting your friend-but at least you didn’t visit the connection instead.

You listen to a Fifth Step. You share at a meeting. You look at the calendar and realize you’ve gotten through another day clean.

Then one day you wake up, look outside, and realize it’s a beautiful day. The sun is shining. The sky is blue. You take a deep breath, smile again, and know that it really does pass.

Just for Today: No matter how I feel today, I’ll go on with my recovery.

Copyright (c) 2012,  NA World Services, Inc. All Rights Reserved

3 thoughts on “Walking through the pain

  1. psquirrel says:

    Wow . . . how many days have I felt just like that? So many! There are so many coping steps to get through the day even beyond those mentioned – just stay away from those nuts!

  2. viewsfromsue says:

    Your pain and your subsequent ability to get through touched my heart much. I am not an addict, but I do have deep struggles with depression. Your post resonated with a recent rough time I had. It got so awfully nasty. I’m blessed to say I made it through.
    Thanks for your post.

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