The most unusual thing happened when I went to post on October 2nd, about 5 days ago. In fact, I didn’t even complete my post because I was so tripped out, and vowed to save it and come back to it later. What happened is I went to post my usual daily meditation from Just For Today. I opened the website, and while reading over the selection, something seemed familiar. Very familiar! I had seen this before, somewhere. I did a Google search, and sure enough, there was my very first post from a year ago.
I started thinking back to everything that was going on in my life a year ago. At that point I was a very sick squirrel, and although I had made a commitment to myself to stay away from nuts, there was still a lot of pain to deal with as I had to share some shameful things I had done during the course of my journey to the other people I loved. Fortunately, they continued to love me through it all.
There have been some slips through the journey, but I am happy to say I am stronger now than I have ever been! I realized just the other night that it had been over five years ago I started abusing nuts seriously, when I can absolutely say it went from a passing “every now and then” to a daily need I couldn’t live without. FIVE YEARS. That’s a long time to struggle with a disease, disorder, or whatever you want to call addiction.
I’ve been through an outpatient treatment through the county, in and out of NA, and I have learned so much from both of these sources, but the main thing I have learned is that with addiction, nothing is going to happen until you WANT IT. You have to want it more than anything else, and to be honest, it’s very easy to want. Once you get sick and tired of being sick and tired, it’s something you want so bad. But often times it takes an extra push until you can make it past all the pain of withdrawals and push through to the freedom that comes without having to use nuts.
And that’s truly what it is, a freedom. No more having to stress about where or when the next nut was coming from; and when you are deep in that mix it’s pretty much all you think about all day every day. It’s exhausting! And I am so done with it.
A lot of positive things have been happening in my life lately. Through a series of events that are almost unbelievable, so much so that I can’t quite believe it myself still, I am going to be starting a new job very soon. Something I feel will be very fulfilling, fun, and working with people that I like. More importantly, I feel these people will respect me for who I am, and that’s a good thing to look forward to.
It’s been an amazing journey so far, and I’m not planning on giving up any time soon. Here’s to another fun year with my WordPress family . . . on that note I really must do something about accepting those dang WordPress awards! LOL. Thanks everyone.
-P. Squirrel out!